Rob Smyth, in The Guardian, blames Lampard and Gerrard for compromising England’s one world-class attacking talent. Scientists claim that Consciousness is the hard problem, but the Lampard and Gerrard problem is hard too.

If we could find a decent goalkeeper and a striker who is over 5ft 2in who does not have clown feet, England would be marvellous. But we have to acknowledge that Lampard and Gerrard cannot play together, despite what Borat says.

I read of Frank Lampard that he cannot play with Gerrard. Why not? Is not allowed? Is against your law? In my country, is OK for two men to play with each other. We do all the time. Is nice.

Gotta drop Lampard and play the world’s greatest scouser behind the even greater scouser, Rooney.